I’m not sure what I thought I would feel like right now.
Calm, centred, zen?
Crazy, doubtful, terrified?
I feel bits of all of those, but not overwhelmingly so.
I am ready to go into the space, now.
It has been a long time coming. So many discussions, so many doubts, so many fears, so many problems, so many logistical ‘things’, so much time spent on computers and thinking about things to do with computers which anyone who knows me knows is a recipe for disaster as I am totally hopeless at anything to do with computers, so many hours spent wondering what it will be like, then getting cranky at myself for preempting, so many hopes for this little project that has grown bigger every day …
I am confident that this will be a really affirming experience. I am also across the board that it will be bloody difficult at times and I will feel out of my depth at others. I go into the piece knowing this and hoping to overcome these fears, that can be so crippling in projects like Deliverance, and in everyday life.
I am so grateful to my two wonderful friends for going through this endeavour with me. For loving and accepting me, warts and all, and for committing to this extradordinary leap of faith. I love them so dearly, and would not be doing this with anyone but these two people.
I thank everyone who has engaged and will engage with this piece. I hope it raises more questions than answers.
I especially want to thank my family for supporting me in everything I do, nomatter how far removed it is from tractor driving or working in a bank.
I am ready for Deliverance, now.
Love, Pen x